The Browns Will Get Their First Win Today! – Live Blog

Today’s the day everyone. One of those days where people will ask where you were when the Browns won their first game in 2017, and you’ll remember. Me? I’m resting a bowl of hummus on my stomach with reduced fat Wheat Thins slamming water hoping to shock the hangover out of my system.

I know my confidence in the Browns is often misguided and unrewarded, but hear me out. This Browns team was in the game last week. The offense will learn from their mistakes and look viable again, with Corey Coleman playing in his first game since Week 2 against the Ravens.

This rush defense can play, and will not get dominated by a hurt Fournette. Jacksonville isn’t a cold weather team, they haven’t been able to handle the swirling winds of Lake Eerie since the days of Byron Leftwich.

With Josh Gordon set to return in a few weeks, the tides will turn for this misfit group of disappointment, starting right. Now.

Browns: 16 Jaguars: 10

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The Browns Hung Tough, and then Were the Browns Again

This was a tough one. The whole game I was waiting for that “Browns moment,” but it just wasn’t coming. Going into the fourth quarter tied at 24 I wasn’t convinced that the Browns would win, but was convinced that maybe this won’t be a total and complete embarrassment like it usually is.

Of course, I was wrong. The fourth quarter started, I blinked, and the Browns were down two touchdowns with Cody Kessler in at quarterback. They reverted back to their mean, which is garbage, and gave the game away. Cody Kessler missed Treggs on a fade by about 200 yards. Kizer threw a pick in the endzone to cap off the Browns last offensive possession. DeValve fumbled earlier for  TD. Myles Garrett jumped offsides on third down twice, the second time leading to a TD on the very next play. And somehow worse than all of that, with 8 seconds on the clock before halftime on the 2 yard line, the Browns failed a QB sneak with no timeouts, didn’t line up in time and didn’t put any points on the board.

When you watch an entire Browns game, you truly realize how bad this team is. They do so little right and are completely unable to grab/maintain any semblance of momentum. They find new ways to completely take themselves out of games every week. But this week proved for the millionth time this year that the QB is not the issue on this team.

Sure, Kizer had that pick at the end of the game, but for 80% of the game he looked poised behind a line without Joe Thomas as a 21 year-old. He made some NFL throws today and kept this team in the game. If it weren’t for this hit after David Njoku entirely missed his block, I think the Browns could have at least covered the spread today.

So I will say it again: please, for the love of God, do not pick a QB this year. We need TONS, and I mean TONS, more talent on the offensive side of the ball. Take a playmaking WR and get Barkley in our backfield. Hell, even get some O-Line help for when Joe Thomas decides to leave or retire. But this team is not even CLOSE to being relevant even with a stud QB. Get some playmakers and give this kid a chance.

The Browns Did Another Browns Thing Today

The Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns failed to work out a trade that would have sent quarterback AJ McCarron to Cleveland, sources told ESPN’s Adam Schefter.

According to Schefter, the Bengals notified the league of the proposed trade at 3:55 p.m. ET, and the Browns notified the league shortly after 4 p.m. ET. Because the Browns were late, the league denied the trade. Cleveland protested with the league asking that the trade be approved. The NFL rejected the Browns protest.

The proposed compensation for McCarron would have been a second- and third-round pick in 2018, a source confirmed to Schefter. The Cincinnati Enquirer first reported the compensation.

McCarron has been the subject of trade rumors since the 2016 offseason after he filled in for an injured Andy Dalton and almost led the Bengals to their first playoff win under Marvin Lewis. He completed 66.4 percent of his passes in seven appearances during the 2015 regular season, throwing for six touchdowns and two interceptions. In his lone playoff start, he completed 23-of-41 passes for 212 yards, one touchdown and one interception.

The Bengals said they would listen to offers for McCarron for the right price, and it seemed almost certain that McCarron would be elsewhere by the time the 2017 season came around. The team claimed quarterback Jeff Driskel off waivers last year with the intention of developing him if they got an acceptable offer for McCarron.

At the end of last season, McCarron expressed his appreciation to the organization, which sounded like he was preparing to say goodbye. However, a trade never materialized, and McCarron once again entered the season as Dalton’s backup. He has taken three snaps in 2017.

McCarron, taken in the fifth round of the 2014 draft, is in the final season of his rookie contract. However, the Bengals could retain his rights next season because he did not spend enough time on the active roster as a rookie to accrue a year toward free agency. An arbitrator will have to decide whether he is a restricted or unrestricted free agent in 2018.

 

“I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. The Cleveland Browns front office have time and again proven themselves to be an unmanageable team. I recommend they be removed their position and reassigned to signing minor league baseball players where they belong.” – Jan Levenson’s Recommendation as it applies to the Browns

Of all the Browns things that have ever happened, ever, this is the most Browns. To celebrate a trade you haven’t even made yet, then call in said trade late, get that trade denied by the league, protest that decision and have it unanimously denied by the league again is a special level of incompetent. It borderline needs to be admired. To be THAT bad at your job is unparalleled.

Here’s the other thing: the Browns were about to trade more for AJ McCarron than the 49ers did for Jimmy G. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? AJ MCCARRON?? That bible thumping, tattoo chested LOSER?? An article I read today said he almost won a playoff game two years ago when Dalton was injured, like that was some sort of fucking accomplishment. He was throwing to AJ Green, Mohammed Sanu, and Tyler Eifert, and still LOST a playoff game.

In Cleveland? He’d be throwing to Ricardo Louis, David Njoku, and Kenny Britt. He couldn’t win a game with this team! NO ONE CAN! For the billionth time, a quarterback can’t solve a problem when your team has ZERO playmakers. LITERALLY NOT ONE!

So all in all, I think the Browns somehow saved themselves by screwing this up. To get rid of two draft picks for this fucking guy

aj mccarron

Would be vomit worthy. What hurts though, is that this is a new all time low for an organization who lives to redefine the phrase rock bottom. Do what’s right Sashi and co., and please just cancel the rest of this year for your sake and ours. Draft playmakers in this draft and THEN trade your picks for a sub par QB if you want. But please, for the love of God, avoid doing or saying anything for the rest of this year.

 

Watching Joe Thomas’ First Experience as a Browns Fan was more Heartbreaking than the Game Itself

 

Poor, poor Joe. Having to go through a Browns game as a spectator on Sundays is a fate I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. The day usually starts with a glimmer of hope, which slips in to an aura of doubt, and by halftime is typically full blown depression followed by reading six different mock draft articles.

But the Browns were particularly brutal to Joe this week, by going into halftime with a lead. To a novice Browns fan, a halftime lead usually results in an internal debate where the Browns fan convinces themselves that if the second half is played EXACTLY like the first half, then maybe, just maybe, the Browns can pull this out. This was where Joe Thomas found himself yesterday.

But to the jaded masses of us who spend Sunday wallowing in a haze of self-pity, we all knew what was coming. The Browns scored a whopping 3 points in the second half while giving up 21, resulting in yet another double digit loss. Another game of no halftime adjustments, nor designing quick plays to get the ball out of Kizer’s hands. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this Joe (even though the odds of you reading this are incalculably farfetched) but expect more of the same.

This year is pretty much devoid of all hope, other than the possibility of another #1 overall pick. You hate to have to see Joe go through this season like the rest of us, but hope that maybe he’ll find a new source of empathy to those who willingly choose to watch this team play. So, I’d like to address Joe’s tweets in the hopes that he’ll learn the error in his misguided hope and join the rest of us in the sewers of Browns Twitter.

1.) No matter how good of a stop the defense has, the offense will reset any momentum to the natural Browns equilibrium.

2.)  While I value the sentiment, teams probably run out of TD celebration ideas when they reach the endzone for the fourth or fifth time against this defense, so can’t really blame them for that.

3.) Yes Joe, we ALWAYS need a turnover. They’re the Cleveland Browns.

And finally, this one:

No they’re not Joe, and they won’t be for the rest of this year.

If I Could Get Surgery that Ended my Season with the Browns, I Would.

Joe Thomas successfully underwent season ending surgery yesterday after tearing his triceps in Sunday’s game against the Titans. After 11 years and 10,363 consecutive snaps played, the only pick the Browns have ever gotten right will sit his first game this Sunday in London against the Vikings.

It’ll be weird seeing the Browns line up on the field Sunday without number 73 holding down the offensive line, but I, for one, couldn’t be happier for Joe. Sure, he’s had an unparalleled level of success during his tenure in Cleveland, but being the best player on the Browns is like being the best cashier at Sears. The work is worthwhile and you’re customer service is unmatched, but your organization has no plan for the future and just hired another young assistant manager, the 16th since you’ve been there.

No football player should have to endure what Joe has gone through. Since being drafted by the Browns in 2007, the Browns are a mere 48-119, a winning percentage of 24.3%. Joe was even quoted this year saying that he’s blocked for QB’s that he hadn’t yet met before they broke the huddle. That level of mediocrity is a cruel, Hell-like punishment for a player who by all accounts is just an all around great guy.

Prison guards in Guantanamo wouldn’t even offer their inmates a punishment similar to what Joe has gone through, so I thought I’d compile a quick list of things I’d rather do 10,363 times than play 10,363 consecutive snaps for the Cleveland Browns:

  • Rent 10,363 cars from Avis
  • Lay 10,363 eggs like a bird
  • Somersault 10,363 times through a rose garden
  • Wait 10,363 minutes for my soup to cool
  • Stub my toe $10,363 times against a metal bed frame
  • Accidentally push a pull door 10,363 times
  • Seal 10,363 envelopes with my tongue
  • Have to blow on a Nintendo 64 cartridge to get it to work 10,363 times
  • Eat 10,363 marshmallows, marshmallows are trash
  • Sit through 10,363 operas based off of “To Kill A Mocking Bird”
  • Scramble 10,363 eggs without burning a single one
  • Hear a flight attendant explain the Spirit Airlines Rewards Program 10,363 times
  • Listen to someone tell me I can’t get tickets to Hamilton 10,363 times

All of this being said, I truly feel for Joe. He’s stuck out his time in Cleveland in an era where players want nothing more than max contracts and championships. He’s better than this football team deserves, and hope he recovers as quickly as possible. Then, for his sake, he may want to ask for a trade…just a thought Joe.

Meet Your New Browns Starting QB *sighs deeply* Kevin Hogan!

NFL – The Cleveland Browns have changed quarterbacks. Again.

The team announced Kevin Hogan will start Sunday’s game against the Houston Texans in place of rookie DeShone Kizer.

“I’ve made the decision to start Kevin this week,” Hue Jackson said in a statement Wednesday. “We’ve liked what Kevin has been able to do within our offense when he’s been in there and he will start on Sunday because that’s what we feel is best for our team at this point in time. This does not change the way we feel about DeShone going forward. He has worked extremely hard and still very much has a bright future. Right now, it’s better for him and his development to back up Kevin.”

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“I’m so fucking scared right now!” – Kevin Hogan playing football, me watching Kevin Hogan play football.

Ahh the Browns changing their starting QB, a fall tradition unlike any other (because no other team has to do this, ever). Yes, it may be hard to believe coming from such a storied franchise, but the Browns are unhappy with their 21 year old rookie’s performance up to date, and are switching to their savvy veteran* quarterback. Just in time too, I might add, because I’ve got a real good feeling this Browns team may just rip off 11 wins in a row!

In all honesty, I don’t really hate this move. Actually, let me rephrase. On the scale of emotions I use to rate the Browns’ decision that starts don’t hate and ends at a self-inflicting harm level of despise, I don’t hate this move. The Browns play the Texans this week in a game that has a shocking amount of levels to it.

This offseason, the Browns took Brock Osweiler and his ridiculous salary off the Texans’ book along with their 2018 second round pick, which are now so prevalent in Cleveland that they are used as a form of local currency in the city. The Texans used this as an opportunity to dump Osweiler’s salary and pick a proven winner, Deshaun Watson, to be their quarterback of the future. The Browns then later cut Osweiler, still have to pay him the money owed to him, and drafted Kizer to start who is now of course benched.

If Kizer plays in this game, all we’ll hear all game is how sick Browns fans must be that we didn’t draft Watson, and most likely we’ll probably still hear these comparisons even with Kizer on the bench. Even though Watson is throwing to Deandre Hopkins and Will Fuller and Kizer is throwing to Seth DeValve and Ricardo Louis, announcers will mention how Watson is “a proven winner” as he inevitably torches the Browns’ secondary. By not playing Kizer, Jackson hopefully will save us some of this pain, although to be a Browns fan is to be one who feels pain all the time.

So, let’s meet the Browns 28th different starting QB since 1999, Kevin Hogan!

Name: Kevin Hogan

Alma Mater: Stanford

Years Experience: 2

Mobile?: He’s an 80 speed in Madden 18 so I guess so.

Handsome?: …eh?

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Concerning Fact: When you type in “Kevin Hogan” to Google Images, the fourth option that comes is his throwing motion, and I definitely see why…

Hogan-Windup

One scout even wrote, “God his mechanics are terrible.” Great!

Hogan definitely throws a weird ball, but he’s a smart QB that has looked a lot better than Kizer has in most spots this year. My hope is that Kizer will pay attention to how Hogan reads his progressions and makes decisions on when/where to throw the ball. My expectation, however, is that Hogan tears his ACL in the second quarter and the 0-16 bound season is right back on track.

Cleveland Browns football baby, catch the fever!

*second year 2016 fifth round pick