They Did It: Browns go 0-16

4th and 2, two timeouts, under two minutes. Kizer escapes a collapsing, rolls left, and has his #2 wide receiver, first round pick Corey Coleman, wide open. And then, this…

Right. Through. His. Hands.

I’m really at a loss for words. When that ball went through Coleman’s hands I laughed, but my heart really did sink for a minute. After the loss to Indianapolis in week 3, I joked this team may go defeated, but never truly believed it. So when it actually happened, it was about as low as I’ve ever felt as a football fan.

People will say if you’re going to tank, then you may as well go all the way and lose big. They have the #1 and #4 pick in the first two rounds of this year’s draft. But they would’ve had that if they won one game as well. All I wanted was one win. One, lousy win. But now this organization has reached a level of mediocrity that only the Lions have experienced in this age of the NFL. The line from the parody Cleveland tourism video, “At least we’re not Detroit!” has lost all merit now.

There will be a lot of noise in the coming days. The terror zone that is Browns Twitter will yell at each other all the way to Draft Night. I’ll read articles that condemn Hue despite the front office’s confidence in him. And, as if we already weren’t, this team and this fan base will be the butt of every NFL fans’ jokes for the coming year.

I plan on posting a season recap in the coming days, highlighting worse plays of the year and my thoughts on Hue and the draft moving forward, but there’s so much to get into that it may take me a few days to craft, so bear with me. As for now though, I’m just, well, sad.

The fumble. The drive. And now? The drop. Welcome to the Hall of Humiliation Corey.corey-coleman-fbbb86c91eea24ba

PS – Adding insult to injury, the fact that this team had to pull this off in 2017 instead of 2016 is such a kick in the dick. These shirts would’ve sold like hot cakes.Screen Shot 2016-10-18 at 1.35.45 PM

PPS – If Hue doesn’t follow through and jump into Lake Eerie, that has to be a fireable offense (ya know, along with a 1-31 record in 2 years).

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Browns vs. Bears Preview: Today is the Day

Merry Christmas Eve Second Stringers, and to my members of the Tribe I hope Channukah (you like that?) treated you well. In the spirit of the season, allow me to give you the greatest gift of all: a blog in which I convince myself the Browns will win a game.

Here’s why I like the Browns in today’s spot:

1.) It’s gonna be cold today in Chicago, vintage Bear weather some would say. That means both of these teams are going to run the ball, run the ball, and run the ball again. That plays to the Browns strength. This Browns rush defense is historically good, only giving up 3.3 YPC on 408 rushing attempts this year. If the Browns make Trubisky win this game, then I like our chances.

2.) I’d feel better if this game wasn’t on a Sunday considering the Browns haven’t won a game on a Sunday in two years, but the game is on Christmas Eve. The Browns only win in the last two years? Last year on Christmas Eve.

3.) The Bears will have no home field advantage today. 20 degree weather and snowing on a Christmas Eve game? I take it most Bears fans will watch the game from home. Plus, the wave of doubt and dread that overcomes First Energy Stadium when things go wrong for this team will not exist today, so I think this team fares better in someone else’s house.

4.) John Fox is 0-7 during his tenure with the Bears in games in which the Bears are the favorite. Not just 0-7 ATS, straight up 0-7. Lost every single game he’s coached as a favorite. For the first time in years, the Browns are kind of a smart bet today.

5.) People are already preparing for the “Perfect Season Parade” so it would be quintessential Browns to ruin everyone’s plans and actually win a game, just like last year. If nothing else, you can always count on this team to let you down somehow.

I doubt the Browns beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh next week, so this is their last shot at a win in 2017. Let’s get a win today then send Hue off in a Viking Funeral-esque ceremony on Lake Michigan.

Browns: 16 Bears: 13 LET IT RIDE BABY

Meet Your New Browns Starting QB *sighs deeply* Kevin Hogan!

NFL – The Cleveland Browns have changed quarterbacks. Again.

The team announced Kevin Hogan will start Sunday’s game against the Houston Texans in place of rookie DeShone Kizer.

“I’ve made the decision to start Kevin this week,” Hue Jackson said in a statement Wednesday. “We’ve liked what Kevin has been able to do within our offense when he’s been in there and he will start on Sunday because that’s what we feel is best for our team at this point in time. This does not change the way we feel about DeShone going forward. He has worked extremely hard and still very much has a bright future. Right now, it’s better for him and his development to back up Kevin.”

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“I’m so fucking scared right now!” – Kevin Hogan playing football, me watching Kevin Hogan play football.

Ahh the Browns changing their starting QB, a fall tradition unlike any other (because no other team has to do this, ever). Yes, it may be hard to believe coming from such a storied franchise, but the Browns are unhappy with their 21 year old rookie’s performance up to date, and are switching to their savvy veteran* quarterback. Just in time too, I might add, because I’ve got a real good feeling this Browns team may just rip off 11 wins in a row!

In all honesty, I don’t really hate this move. Actually, let me rephrase. On the scale of emotions I use to rate the Browns’ decision that starts don’t hate and ends at a self-inflicting harm level of despise, I don’t hate this move. The Browns play the Texans this week in a game that has a shocking amount of levels to it.

This offseason, the Browns took Brock Osweiler and his ridiculous salary off the Texans’ book along with their 2018 second round pick, which are now so prevalent in Cleveland that they are used as a form of local currency in the city. The Texans used this as an opportunity to dump Osweiler’s salary and pick a proven winner, Deshaun Watson, to be their quarterback of the future. The Browns then later cut Osweiler, still have to pay him the money owed to him, and drafted Kizer to start who is now of course benched.

If Kizer plays in this game, all we’ll hear all game is how sick Browns fans must be that we didn’t draft Watson, and most likely we’ll probably still hear these comparisons even with Kizer on the bench. Even though Watson is throwing to Deandre Hopkins and Will Fuller and Kizer is throwing to Seth DeValve and Ricardo Louis, announcers will mention how Watson is “a proven winner” as he inevitably torches the Browns’ secondary. By not playing Kizer, Jackson hopefully will save us some of this pain, although to be a Browns fan is to be one who feels pain all the time.

So, let’s meet the Browns 28th different starting QB since 1999, Kevin Hogan!

Name: Kevin Hogan

Alma Mater: Stanford

Years Experience: 2

Mobile?: He’s an 80 speed in Madden 18 so I guess so.

Handsome?: …eh?

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Concerning Fact: When you type in “Kevin Hogan” to Google Images, the fourth option that comes is his throwing motion, and I definitely see why…

Hogan-Windup

One scout even wrote, “God his mechanics are terrible.” Great!

Hogan definitely throws a weird ball, but he’s a smart QB that has looked a lot better than Kizer has in most spots this year. My hope is that Kizer will pay attention to how Hogan reads his progressions and makes decisions on when/where to throw the ball. My expectation, however, is that Hogan tears his ACL in the second quarter and the 0-16 bound season is right back on track.

Cleveland Browns football baby, catch the fever!

*second year 2016 fifth round pick