Browns vs. Bears Preview: Today is the Day

Merry Christmas Eve Second Stringers, and to my members of the Tribe I hope Channukah (you like that?) treated you well. In the spirit of the season, allow me to give you the greatest gift of all: a blog in which I convince myself the Browns will win a game.

Here’s why I like the Browns in today’s spot:

1.) It’s gonna be cold today in Chicago, vintage Bear weather some would say. That means both of these teams are going to run the ball, run the ball, and run the ball again. That plays to the Browns strength. This Browns rush defense is historically good, only giving up 3.3 YPC on 408 rushing attempts this year. If the Browns make Trubisky win this game, then I like our chances.

2.) I’d feel better if this game wasn’t on a Sunday considering the Browns haven’t won a game on a Sunday in two years, but the game is on Christmas Eve. The Browns only win in the last two years? Last year on Christmas Eve.

3.) The Bears will have no home field advantage today. 20 degree weather and snowing on a Christmas Eve game? I take it most Bears fans will watch the game from home. Plus, the wave of doubt and dread that overcomes First Energy Stadium when things go wrong for this team will not exist today, so I think this team fares better in someone else’s house.

4.) John Fox is 0-7 during his tenure with the Bears in games in which the Bears are the favorite. Not just 0-7 ATS, straight up 0-7. Lost every single game he’s coached as a favorite. For the first time in years, the Browns are kind of a smart bet today.

5.) People are already preparing for the “Perfect Season Parade” so it would be quintessential Browns to ruin everyone’s plans and actually win a game, just like last year. If nothing else, you can always count on this team to let you down somehow.

I doubt the Browns beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh next week, so this is their last shot at a win in 2017. Let’s get a win today then send Hue off in a Viking Funeral-esque ceremony on Lake Michigan.

Browns: 16 Bears: 13 LET IT RIDE BABY

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Browns Keep “Perfect Season” Alive, Lose to Ravens 27-10

More of the same for the Brownies this week — brief flashes of ability, head-scratching play calls, and turnovers in the redzone. Watching this team play every week for the last two years has pretty much devolved into three hours of me muttering to myself in dirty sweatpants, a ritual so sad that the writers of Manchester by the Sea would cry watching.

0-14 and 1-29 in their last 30, we are just 2 games away from the imperfect season and the parade that follows it. Here’s what’s worth noting and what we learned from this week’s loss to the Ravens:

1.) You probably won’t win a game when you let Joe Flacco run for a TD.

2.) This offense is very bad without Joe Thomas.

3.) The “WHY?” sign won the day.

4.) The Browns have single handedly made Benjamin Watson relevant in 2017. 12 of his 45 receptions have come against this secondary, as well as 165 of his 347 yards (47%), and 1 of his 3 TD’s this season.

5.) Bill Mitchell is an idiot. People don’t go to Browns games due to depression, not political parties.

6.) Someone should inform Gregg Williams that it’s helpful if you’re SS isn’t starting plays 100 yards back from the line of scrimmage.

7.) Hue Jackson on the sidelines somehow gets more and more laughable every week.

8.) As it turns out, tickets to Browns games are quite literally worthless.

Another day another L for the Factory of Sadness. The Bears game next week is winnable, but more than likely another L to another QB passed on. It feels like no team will lay down against the Browns because they don’t want to be the ones to lose to one of the most incompetent teams ever assembled. Get your tickets to Cleveland now, because the parade is well within our grasp.

PS – A million dollars to who ever can explain to me what the fuck is going on in this photo.

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Browns Lose Laughably 27-21 in OT; Life Continues to Have Little to No Meaning

A few things:

1.) This is one of the worst losses I’ve been a part of with this garbage organization. To be up 21-7 going into the fourth and hand a backup QB a game at home is unforgivable.

2.) This front office simply cannot justify keeping Hue Jackson and his staff around next year. Here’s a list of things they did to hand the Packers that game:

  • Dumb penalties on third down that bailed Green Bay out in every quarter
  • Letting Hundley throw roughly a billion underneath routes once up two scores by not playing press coverage on an anverage receiving corps
  • Not targeting Josh Gordon once in the fourth quarter
  • Throwing on a 3rd and 4 with 2:50 left in the game, leading to an incompletion that stopped the clock
  • Punting the ball in the middle of the field, allowing for a 65 yard punt return to bail out a Packers offense that was putrid the entire day

3.) DeShone Kizer will get heat for this loss, but he played a hell of a game today. It’s great to see what he can do with actual targets to throw to. Gordon, Coleman, and Njoku are solid, further solidifying that we need more playmakers, not necessarily a new QB.

4.) That interception Kizer threw in OT is unforgivable, but those are the moments that come with a 21 year old QB.

5.) Kizer’s first INT should have never happened — a DPI went uncalled on Gordon in the endzone because they’re the Packers and we’re the Browns. Unfortunate to see but that’s what happens when you’re winless.

6.) Josh Gordon is the truth.

7.) Touchdown sunglasses were awesome. I hope that doesn’t go away, but it’s also possible this team doesn’t score the rest of the season.

Not much else to say really. At least the #1 pick and the Perfect Season Parade are now all but guaranteed? The game was firmly in the Browns hands and they let the Packers control the entire second half. Week in and week out I watch this team find a way to lose, each more heartbreaking than the last. This life is miserable, but it’s the life I chose. On to the Ravens.

Terminal Blog: Browns Lose to Bengals, Officially Eliminated from Playoffs

As I sit here at the quaint, yet modern, Philips Seafood at Bradley International Airport, I can’t help but wonder where it all went wrong. This is a thought I’ve had a lot this weekend after my 5 year high school reunion, but in this capacity, I am of course referring to my Cleveland Browns.

Spirits were high after a perfect preseason. The offense looked functional, the defense respectable, and for a fleeting moment I thought, “Hey, this could be a 6-10 team!” But since the Week 3 loss to Indianapolis, this team has looked like nothing other than more of the same.

Today’s loss was the type of loss that is all too familiar if you root for this team. They start up 3-0, give up a TD immediately, then shoot themselves in the foot. Today that bullet came in the form of Treggs, who was penalized for taunting with the Browns in the red zone. After that the offense stifled, and Gonzalez missed a 43 yard field goal wide left.

A fan of a normal team would view that as a setback, but for Cleveland, that’s the game. Another footnote in the almanac of despair that is Cleveland Browns football. And just because it’s familiar, doesn’t make it any less depressing.

There’s not much left to root for at this point for the Brownies. Either tank for a pick that we have a proclivity for getting wrong, or root for a win or two to save ourselves from total embarrassment. The only winnable games left on this schedule are home against the Packers and at Chicago on Christmas Eve, but if that Green Bay game is a loss then that’s it for the year.

These are dark times indeed for we Cleveland faithful, and they don’t appear to be changing soon. My faith is not lost, as no team can be this bad for this long. But until things start to turn, I’ll have another round please.

The Browns Will Get Their First Win Today! – Live Blog

Today’s the day everyone. One of those days where people will ask where you were when the Browns won their first game in 2017, and you’ll remember. Me? I’m resting a bowl of hummus on my stomach with reduced fat Wheat Thins slamming water hoping to shock the hangover out of my system.

I know my confidence in the Browns is often misguided and unrewarded, but hear me out. This Browns team was in the game last week. The offense will learn from their mistakes and look viable again, with Corey Coleman playing in his first game since Week 2 against the Ravens.

This rush defense can play, and will not get dominated by a hurt Fournette. Jacksonville isn’t a cold weather team, they haven’t been able to handle the swirling winds of Lake Eerie since the days of Byron Leftwich.

With Josh Gordon set to return in a few weeks, the tides will turn for this misfit group of disappointment, starting right. Now.

Browns: 16 Jaguars: 10

The Browns Hung Tough, and then Were the Browns Again

This was a tough one. The whole game I was waiting for that “Browns moment,” but it just wasn’t coming. Going into the fourth quarter tied at 24 I wasn’t convinced that the Browns would win, but was convinced that maybe this won’t be a total and complete embarrassment like it usually is.

Of course, I was wrong. The fourth quarter started, I blinked, and the Browns were down two touchdowns with Cody Kessler in at quarterback. They reverted back to their mean, which is garbage, and gave the game away. Cody Kessler missed Treggs on a fade by about 200 yards. Kizer threw a pick in the endzone to cap off the Browns last offensive possession. DeValve fumbled earlier for  TD. Myles Garrett jumped offsides on third down twice, the second time leading to a TD on the very next play. And somehow worse than all of that, with 8 seconds on the clock before halftime on the 2 yard line, the Browns failed a QB sneak with no timeouts, didn’t line up in time and didn’t put any points on the board.

When you watch an entire Browns game, you truly realize how bad this team is. They do so little right and are completely unable to grab/maintain any semblance of momentum. They find new ways to completely take themselves out of games every week. But this week proved for the millionth time this year that the QB is not the issue on this team.

Sure, Kizer had that pick at the end of the game, but for 80% of the game he looked poised behind a line without Joe Thomas as a 21 year-old. He made some NFL throws today and kept this team in the game. If it weren’t for this hit after David Njoku entirely missed his block, I think the Browns could have at least covered the spread today.

So I will say it again: please, for the love of God, do not pick a QB this year. We need TONS, and I mean TONS, more talent on the offensive side of the ball. Take a playmaking WR and get Barkley in our backfield. Hell, even get some O-Line help for when Joe Thomas decides to leave or retire. But this team is not even CLOSE to being relevant even with a stud QB. Get some playmakers and give this kid a chance.

The Key To Winning this Game Against Miami Will Surprise You

Let me set the scene. New Year’s Eve 2010 started like any other day in the quiet town of El Paso, Texas. The sun was shining, there was a bite in the late December air, and the world was beginning to pull itself out of the recession (I think?). The citizens of El Paso would soon learn, however, that this would be a New Year’s Eve that they would never forget.

For that fateful day in December, the 7-5 Notre Dame Fighting Irish would be facing off against the also 7-5 Miami Hurricanes in the 2010 Hyundai Sun Bowl. In a game that college football personalities and experts everywhere had already written off as a battle between two has-been programs, one man silenced his haters. Not for good, but for as long as the game went on.

That man was none other than #11 in blue, Tommy Rees. The offense EXPLODED like a roman candle and caught the lackluster Hurricane defense totally asleep. Rees went off for an overwhelming 201 yards passing and two TD’s to Michael Floyd, who probably drove to the game drunk. The Irish won the game 33-17 in a game that proved to be the perfect start to what would go on to be a fuzzy new year at best.

Since that historic Sun Bowl victory, the Irish have yet to lose to Miami (go ahead, look it up). This so-called “rivalry” is about as lop-sided as Michael Scott’s mattress with his diary beneath it. And in a year where the Irish could find themselves in the College Football Playoff for the first time since its creation, guess who’s the QB coach. That’s right, Tommy Rees.

People are warning me to be wary of this Miami team, to not get too ahead of myself, but listen — as long as we have good ole Tommy Rees up in the booth I have ZERO doubt in my mind that Notre Dame wins this game Saturday.

Don’t get me wrong, the start of this game will suck. Miami will force an early turnover, flaunt the turnover chain, and for the first time in a long time, Miami fans will arrive on time and be LOUD. But that energy won’t last. Notre Dame will do what they’ve done all year and wear down the Miami defense with a balanced attack, before delivering the final blow with their punishing ground game.

So I’ll let the Miami fans chirp me, try and get in my head. But the reality is I’m much more scared of this Navy game next week than I am of this Miami team. In a rematch of the 2010 Hyundai Sun Bowl, Notre Dame will win by the EXACT. SAME. SCORE.

Notre Dame: 33 Miami: 17

Go Irish. Beat Miami.