If there’s three things I know to be true in life, it’s these: eating too many Junior Mints in one sitting will give you diarrhea, the stripper is never actually into you, and college football is the best. Period. No if’s, and’s or but’s about it.
You see that baby?? It’s not quite the Orange Bowl, but oranges are most definitely a citrus fruit so I’ll fuckin’ take it!
This win was so unlikely for so many reasons. Sure, I took ND outright as 3 point underdogs, but it was only due to a great value in a somewhat coin flip game. Coach O can barely put a sentence together, but he’s always good to get his guys up for any game and play some smash football. Conversely, Notre Dame under Brian Kelly is a team that historically lays down in big spots. We saw it this year in their last three games: a loss to Stanford, a horrible loss to Miami, and a win they squeaked out against Navy. Couple that with the fact that Josh Adams and Brian Wimbush would be subbed out? If I had to bet a toe or something, I’d need find a new bookie but best believe I’d be screaming “Geaux Tigers.”
The game wasn’t pretty, and there were definitely some concerning moments. The fact that Wimbush and Adams played so poorly not only in this game, but the last three games of the year is disheartening. I hope they were injured, or maybe there’s circumstances outside of football that are distracting them, but the difference between the backfield’s play between the first two thirds of the season and the final third was horrific.
That being said, the good moments far outweighed the bad for me today. Ian Book is a somewhat legit QB, that has looked progressively better with every game played. 14 of 19 for 164 yards, 2TD’s and 1 pick is a really solid day for a true sophomore backup. As soon as the game ended word spread that the starting QB job is up for grabs this Spring, and I’m honestly very okay with that. Let’s see what Book can do now that he’s fighting for the job.
Then, of course, there was the play of the day. Nay, the year. NAY, the millennium.
Miles Boykin, who entered the day win under 200 receiving yards on the year, goes up with one hand, trucks a CB, jukes out another, and sprints slower than anyone I’ve ever seen into the endzone. It was un.be.lievable. I jumped off of my couch and just put my hands on my head without saying a word. We realistically will probably never see a Notre Dame player make a play like that in the fourth quarter for a win over an SEC team, let alone just make a play like that ever again. Miles Boykin became a legend in South Bend yesterday; he’ll never have to pay the $5 cover for keg access ever again.
What a game, what a win, and honestly, what a year. Looking at Notre Dame’s schedule this year, I saw a 6-6 year. But time and again, this team proved that Notre Dame football is still very much relevant. Double digit win at Michigan State, double digit win against USC, dominating the NC State D-Line. If before this season I told you the Irish would go 10-3 with wins over Michigan State, USC, and LSU, and that their three losses would be against a Miami team who played in the ACC Championship, a Stanford team who played in the Pac 12 Championship, and a Georgia team who won the SEC and is playing for the National Championship, would you take that? I know I absolutely would.
So as we close the book (pun unintended) on the Notre Dame 2017 campaign, I’ll leave you with something I didn’t think I’d be saying at the end of this season.
4th and 2, two timeouts, under two minutes. Kizer escapes a collapsing, rolls left, and has his #2 wide receiver, first round pick Corey Coleman, wide open. And then, this…
Right. Through. His. Hands.
I’m really at a loss for words. When that ball went through Coleman’s hands I laughed, but my heart really did sink for a minute. After the loss to Indianapolis in week 3, I joked this team may go defeated, but never truly believed it. So when it actually happened, it was about as low as I’ve ever felt as a football fan.
People will say if you’re going to tank, then you may as well go all the way and lose big. They have the #1 and #4 pick in the first two rounds of this year’s draft. But they would’ve had that if they won one game as well. All I wanted was one win. One, lousy win. But now this organization has reached a level of mediocrity that only the Lions have experienced in this age of the NFL. The line from the parody Cleveland tourism video, “At least we’re not Detroit!” has lost all merit now.
There will be a lot of noise in the coming days. The terror zone that is Browns Twitter will yell at each other all the way to Draft Night. I’ll read articles that condemn Hue despite the front office’s confidence in him. And, as if we already weren’t, this team and this fan base will be the butt of every NFL fans’ jokes for the coming year.
I plan on posting a season recap in the coming days, highlighting worse plays of the year and my thoughts on Hue and the draft moving forward, but there’s so much to get into that it may take me a few days to craft, so bear with me. As for now though, I’m just, well, sad.
The fumble. The drive. And now? The drop. Welcome to the Hall of Humiliation Corey.
PS – Adding insult to injury, the fact that this team had to pull this off in 2017 instead of 2016 is such a kick in the dick. These shirts would’ve sold like hot cakes.
PPS – If Hue doesn’t follow through and jump into Lake Eerie, that has to be a fireable offense (ya know, along with a 1-31 record in 2 years).
I’m not gonna lie, this is tough to swallow. We all joke and say how we’re looking forward to the perfect season and the parade, but if we’re being honest I really wanted just one win. It feels like just yesterday I was going into the game at M&T Bank in Baltimore telling myself that if they win this game they could be 4-1 going into week 6. But this team has proved time and time again that they are literally incompetent of doing anything well with any consistency.
I wrote earlier a list of reasons why the Browns would win this game today, and I was wrong on pretty much all accounts. Trubisky ran all over us and we couldn’t get a single thing going on offense. Josh Gordon looked like he didn’t want to be there, the pocked was constancy collapsing on Kizer, and Crow continued to run straight into the line of scrimmage every time he got the ball. It’s a mystery why Duke Johnson doesn’t get the ball 60% of snaps, but this team has a knack for putting the ball in the hands of players who shouldn’t have it.
The only bright side in all of this is that the worst has literally happened. It can only go up from here. I’ll see you all at the parade, now excuse me while I pour myself another scotch.
Merry Christmas Eve Second Stringers, and to my members of the Tribe I hope Channukah (you like that?) treated you well. In the spirit of the season, allow me to give you the greatest gift of all: a blog in which I convince myself the Browns will win a game.
Here’s why I like the Browns in today’s spot:
1.) It’s gonna be cold today in Chicago, vintage Bear weather some would say. That means both of these teams are going to run the ball, run the ball, and run the ball again. That plays to the Browns strength. This Browns rush defense is historically good, only giving up 3.3 YPC on 408 rushing attempts this year. If the Browns make Trubisky win this game, then I like our chances.
2.) I’d feel better if this game wasn’t on a Sunday considering the Browns haven’t won a game on a Sunday in two years, but the game is on Christmas Eve. The Browns only win in the last two years? Last year on Christmas Eve.
3.) The Bears will have no home field advantage today. 20 degree weather and snowing on a Christmas Eve game? I take it most Bears fans will watch the game from home. Plus, the wave of doubt and dread that overcomes First Energy Stadium when things go wrong for this team will not exist today, so I think this team fares better in someone else’s house.
4.) John Fox is 0-7 during his tenure with the Bears in games in which the Bears are the favorite. Not just 0-7 ATS, straight up 0-7. Lost every single game he’s coached as a favorite. For the first time in years, the Browns are kind of a smart bet today.
5.) People are already preparing for the “Perfect Season Parade” so it would be quintessential Browns to ruin everyone’s plans and actually win a game, just like last year. If nothing else, you can always count on this team to let you down somehow.
I doubt the Browns beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh next week, so this is their last shot at a win in 2017. Let’s get a win today then send Hue off in a Viking Funeral-esque ceremony on Lake Michigan.
Browns: 16 Bears: 13 LET IT RIDE BABY
More of the same for the Brownies this week — brief flashes of ability, head-scratching play calls, and turnovers in the redzone. Watching this team play every week for the last two years has pretty much devolved into three hours of me muttering to myself in dirty sweatpants, a ritual so sad that the writers of Manchester by the Sea would cry watching.
0-14 and 1-29 in their last 30, we are just 2 games away from the imperfect season and the parade that follows it. Here’s what’s worth noting and what we learned from this week’s loss to the Ravens:
1.) You probably won’t win a game when you let Joe Flacco run for a TD.
2.) This offense is very bad without Joe Thomas.
3.) The “WHY?” sign won the day.
4.) The Browns have single handedly made Benjamin Watson relevant in 2017. 12 of his 45 receptions have come against this secondary, as well as 165 of his 347 yards (47%), and 1 of his 3 TD’s this season.
5.) Bill Mitchell is an idiot. People don’t go to Browns games due to depression, not political parties.
6.) Someone should inform Gregg Williams that it’s helpful if you’re SS isn’t starting plays 100 yards back from the line of scrimmage.
7.) Hue Jackson on the sidelines somehow gets more and more laughable every week.
8.) As it turns out, tickets to Browns games are quite literally worthless.
Another day another L for the Factory of Sadness. The Bears game next week is winnable, but more than likely another L to another QB passed on. It feels like no team will lay down against the Browns because they don’t want to be the ones to lose to one of the most incompetent teams ever assembled. Get your tickets to Cleveland now, because the parade is well within our grasp.
PS – A million dollars to who ever can explain to me what the fuck is going on in this photo.
A few things:
1.) This is one of the worst losses I’ve been a part of with this garbage organization. To be up 21-7 going into the fourth and hand a backup QB a game at home is unforgivable.
2.) This front office simply cannot justify keeping Hue Jackson and his staff around next year. Here’s a list of things they did to hand the Packers that game:
- Dumb penalties on third down that bailed Green Bay out in every quarter
- Letting Hundley throw roughly a billion underneath routes once up two scores by not playing press coverage on an anverage receiving corps
- Not targeting Josh Gordon once in the fourth quarter
- Throwing on a 3rd and 4 with 2:50 left in the game, leading to an incompletion that stopped the clock
- Punting the ball in the middle of the field, allowing for a 65 yard punt return to bail out a Packers offense that was putrid the entire day
3.) DeShone Kizer will get heat for this loss, but he played a hell of a game today. It’s great to see what he can do with actual targets to throw to. Gordon, Coleman, and Njoku are solid, further solidifying that we need more playmakers, not necessarily a new QB.
4.) That interception Kizer threw in OT is unforgivable, but those are the moments that come with a 21 year old QB.
5.) Kizer’s first INT should have never happened — a DPI went uncalled on Gordon in the endzone because they’re the Packers and we’re the Browns. Unfortunate to see but that’s what happens when you’re winless.
6.) Josh Gordon is the truth.
7.) Touchdown sunglasses were awesome. I hope that doesn’t go away, but it’s also possible this team doesn’t score the rest of the season.
Not much else to say really. At least the #1 pick and the Perfect Season Parade are now all but guaranteed? The game was firmly in the Browns hands and they let the Packers control the entire second half. Week in and week out I watch this team find a way to lose, each more heartbreaking than the last. This life is miserable, but it’s the life I chose. On to the Ravens.