Handicap Stall

Every day at work, typically more than once, I poop. That is may be a tad gauche to talk about so freely, but the fact of the matter is we all take time out of our day to sit and scroll through Twitter until our legs fall asleep.

Every time I have to relieve myself at work, if available, I choose the handicapped stall. It’s spacious, has a nice bar you can use to hoist yourself up when finished, and is the furthest stall away from the door (which is weird considering handicapped parking is always closest to the entrance, pick a side ya know?). In the words of George Constanza, “I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building.”

And yet, while I’ve never actually seen a handicapped person working on my floor, there’s a part of me that feels guilty for occupying the stall specifically built to aid the disabled. What if an emergency happens, or if our VP breaks both his legs and needs to use this stall? My reputation that I’ve so ambivalently built by saying things that sound good but require no action would be ruined!

Then it hit me. The other day I was betting NHL overs at my desk and realized that I am, in fact, handicapping. So, if I start making my daily wagers in the handicap stall while pinching one off, I’ll be a.) more productive and b.) technically allowed use my favorite stall.

Thus, I give to you the “Handicap Stall.” Every day while, “comb through some emails,” I’ll write a blog covering who I’m betting that day. Considering March Madness starts today, I see no better time to start than now.

Winners:

Loyola Chicago moneyline

– a wise man (me)  once said, Miami STINKS. Plus, I’m from Chicago. Synergies are important.

S. Dakota State moneyline

– Haven’t really seen Ohio St play much this year, but I watched S Dakota St win the Summit League

Kentucky 1H and -5

– Everyone seems to be on Davidson, which maybe the Steph Curry effect,  but UK is just wildly more athletic and talented than that team

Arizona -8

– I just don’t see them losing to Buffalo

Everyone hustle and get those bets in now so you can focus on something other than work the rest of the day with me. Whose got it better than u$?