Browns Keep “Perfect Season” Alive, Lose to Ravens 27-10

More of the same for the Brownies this week — brief flashes of ability, head-scratching play calls, and turnovers in the redzone. Watching this team play every week for the last two years has pretty much devolved into three hours of me muttering to myself in dirty sweatpants, a ritual so sad that the writers of Manchester by the Sea would cry watching.

0-14 and 1-29 in their last 30, we are just 2 games away from the imperfect season and the parade that follows it. Here’s what’s worth noting and what we learned from this week’s loss to the Ravens:

1.) You probably won’t win a game when you let Joe Flacco run for a TD.

2.) This offense is very bad without Joe Thomas.

3.) The “WHY?” sign won the day.

4.) The Browns have single handedly made Benjamin Watson relevant in 2017. 12 of his 45 receptions have come against this secondary, as well as 165 of his 347 yards (47%), and 1 of his 3 TD’s this season.

5.) Bill Mitchell is an idiot. People don’t go to Browns games due to depression, not political parties.

6.) Someone should inform Gregg Williams that it’s helpful if you’re SS isn’t starting plays 100 yards back from the line of scrimmage.

7.) Hue Jackson on the sidelines somehow gets more and more laughable every week.

8.) As it turns out, tickets to Browns games are quite literally worthless.

Another day another L for the Factory of Sadness. The Bears game next week is winnable, but more than likely another L to another QB passed on. It feels like no team will lay down against the Browns because they don’t want to be the ones to lose to one of the most incompetent teams ever assembled. Get your tickets to Cleveland now, because the parade is well within our grasp.

PS – A million dollars to who ever can explain to me what the fuck is going on in this photo.

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Browns Lose Laughably 27-21 in OT; Life Continues to Have Little to No Meaning

A few things:

1.) This is one of the worst losses I’ve been a part of with this garbage organization. To be up 21-7 going into the fourth and hand a backup QB a game at home is unforgivable.

2.) This front office simply cannot justify keeping Hue Jackson and his staff around next year. Here’s a list of things they did to hand the Packers that game:

  • Dumb penalties on third down that bailed Green Bay out in every quarter
  • Letting Hundley throw roughly a billion underneath routes once up two scores by not playing press coverage on an anverage receiving corps
  • Not targeting Josh Gordon once in the fourth quarter
  • Throwing on a 3rd and 4 with 2:50 left in the game, leading to an incompletion that stopped the clock
  • Punting the ball in the middle of the field, allowing for a 65 yard punt return to bail out a Packers offense that was putrid the entire day

3.) DeShone Kizer will get heat for this loss, but he played a hell of a game today. It’s great to see what he can do with actual targets to throw to. Gordon, Coleman, and Njoku are solid, further solidifying that we need more playmakers, not necessarily a new QB.

4.) That interception Kizer threw in OT is unforgivable, but those are the moments that come with a 21 year old QB.

5.) Kizer’s first INT should have never happened — a DPI went uncalled on Gordon in the endzone because they’re the Packers and we’re the Browns. Unfortunate to see but that’s what happens when you’re winless.

6.) Josh Gordon is the truth.

7.) Touchdown sunglasses were awesome. I hope that doesn’t go away, but it’s also possible this team doesn’t score the rest of the season.

Not much else to say really. At least the #1 pick and the Perfect Season Parade are now all but guaranteed? The game was firmly in the Browns hands and they let the Packers control the entire second half. Week in and week out I watch this team find a way to lose, each more heartbreaking than the last. This life is miserable, but it’s the life I chose. On to the Ravens.

Browns Drop 27th of Last 28 in the Return of Josh Gordon

Sigh. Yawn. Whatever.

That’s pretty much how the entire game felt on Sunday. That’s pretty much how every Sunday feels when you’re a fan of this team. It’s a numbness that comes with going 1-27 over two seasons, the worst 28 game stretch in NFL history for what it’s worth. A depression that comes with not seeing your favorite team win on a Sunday in over two years, another NFL record. The front office has been incompetent, the play calling questionable, and the offense just plain terrible.

The only thing that was even remotely worth cheering for in the Browns 19-10 loss to the Chargers on Sunday was the return of #12, Josh Gordon. After almost three years of being on the sideline, Gordon showed flashes (pun intended) of brilliance on Sunday, validating the Browns’ decision to keep him despite the fact that instead of leading the league in YPG and YAC, he led it in THC and DUIs.

My big problem however, with what I from here forth will refer to as “The Gordon Game,” is just that – the entire gameplan revolved around Josh Gordon. Josh Gordon finished with 4 catches on 13 targets for 88 yards. I get it that he may be the best receiver on the Browns depth chart, but he’s only been playing with the offense for a little over a week. That’s not nearly enough time for a rookie QB with a battered offensive line to get in a rhythm with a receiver in week 13.

Quite literally everything about the Browns is different from the last time Gordon played a down. New head coach, new offense, another new QB, and an O-Line with no Joe Thomas. To expect this level of production from any receiver his first week back seems like too much to me. I understand wanting to get him the ball and make sure he’s comfortable in the offense, but Gordon would be just as effective as a decoy to set up plays to Njoku or Coleman.

Speaking of Coleman, shall we address how brutal his final series was? Down 9 and the offense is driving with the ball on the 3 yard line. They run a HB stretch to Johnson where Coleman get blamed for a hold. Run a similar play and are stopped for a loss due to a missed block by Coleman. Then, like clockwork, Kizer holds on to the ball for three minutes and is strip sacked, turning the ball over in the redzone for what feels like the millionth time this season.

The fact that these turnovers haven’t stopped is coaching, plain and simple. The same mistakes this team made week 1 they’re still making week 13. It’ll be tough to justify keeping Hue around after this season, so if I’m him I’d go balls to the wall with the last two winnable games in his tenure coming up: vs the Packers this week and at the Bears on Christmas Eve. But as I write that, it seems ridiculous to me to think that this team will go anything other than 0-16. *Sighs heavily* The fuckin Browns man.

Terminal Blog: Browns Lose to Bengals, Officially Eliminated from Playoffs

As I sit here at the quaint, yet modern, Philips Seafood at Bradley International Airport, I can’t help but wonder where it all went wrong. This is a thought I’ve had a lot this weekend after my 5 year high school reunion, but in this capacity, I am of course referring to my Cleveland Browns.

Spirits were high after a perfect preseason. The offense looked functional, the defense respectable, and for a fleeting moment I thought, “Hey, this could be a 6-10 team!” But since the Week 3 loss to Indianapolis, this team has looked like nothing other than more of the same.

Today’s loss was the type of loss that is all too familiar if you root for this team. They start up 3-0, give up a TD immediately, then shoot themselves in the foot. Today that bullet came in the form of Treggs, who was penalized for taunting with the Browns in the red zone. After that the offense stifled, and Gonzalez missed a 43 yard field goal wide left.

A fan of a normal team would view that as a setback, but for Cleveland, that’s the game. Another footnote in the almanac of despair that is Cleveland Browns football. And just because it’s familiar, doesn’t make it any less depressing.

There’s not much left to root for at this point for the Brownies. Either tank for a pick that we have a proclivity for getting wrong, or root for a win or two to save ourselves from total embarrassment. The only winnable games left on this schedule are home against the Packers and at Chicago on Christmas Eve, but if that Green Bay game is a loss then that’s it for the year.

These are dark times indeed for we Cleveland faithful, and they don’t appear to be changing soon. My faith is not lost, as no team can be this bad for this long. But until things start to turn, I’ll have another round please.

The Browns Will Get Their First Win Today! – Live Blog

Today’s the day everyone. One of those days where people will ask where you were when the Browns won their first game in 2017, and you’ll remember. Me? I’m resting a bowl of hummus on my stomach with reduced fat Wheat Thins slamming water hoping to shock the hangover out of my system.

I know my confidence in the Browns is often misguided and unrewarded, but hear me out. This Browns team was in the game last week. The offense will learn from their mistakes and look viable again, with Corey Coleman playing in his first game since Week 2 against the Ravens.

This rush defense can play, and will not get dominated by a hurt Fournette. Jacksonville isn’t a cold weather team, they haven’t been able to handle the swirling winds of Lake Eerie since the days of Byron Leftwich.

With Josh Gordon set to return in a few weeks, the tides will turn for this misfit group of disappointment, starting right. Now.

Browns: 16 Jaguars: 10