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Animal Crossing Community Disturbed by Nintendo’s Announcement of Veteran’s Day Special Character “Vinny from Vietnam” Following Bunny Day Misstep

KYOTO — Imagine a world with no work, monotony, mundane assignments or water cooler talk. Instead of commuting to work, you simply run around your local area lending a hand to your neighbors and working together to clean and build up your newly developing community. Instead of a paycheck hitting on the first and fifteenth […]

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Drew Neitzel Files for 16th Year of Eligibility Following NCAA’s Ruling to Allow Extra Year of Eligibility to Athletes Impacted by COVID-19

GRAND RAPIDS — The NCAA voted on Monday March, 30th to allow an extra year of eligibility for student athletes who were impacted by or had their season cancelled because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Members of the class of 2020 and fans too invested in college athletics because there’s nothing else going on in their […]

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Scott Stapp Performs Entire Set Before Being Told Opening Day Was Cancelled

MIAMI — The reality of the coronavirus hit home a little harder today as baseball fans across the country woefully remembered that today was supposed to be Opening Day for the 2020 MLB season. Instead of flocking to ballparks to watch their favorite teams smack a few dingers and eat a $13 18in. hot dog […]

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Chris Lilley Furious He Didn’t Think of ‘Joe Exotic’ First

MELBOURNE – Stuck in quarantine and starved for any entertainment that isn’t staring at your phone watching people do push-ups on Instagram is a recipe for success for any reality TV show. But throw in a gun-toting, tiger-owning, homosexual polygamist from Oklahoma charged for conspiring to commit murder? That’s a perfect storm of content. That perfect storm […]

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‘Woah…’ Whispers Confused 311 Fan Trying to Figure Out How Sign Language Interpreter Can Hear the Music

LAS VEGAS – Fans from around the world (Vermont and Washington) descended upon Las Vegas, Nevada Wednesday evening to attend the 21st annual 311 Day Festival, a celebration created by the band themselves and that lasts for more days than just March 11th. Local Las Vegans (citizens, not a way of saying ‘the vegans’ in […]

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Men Under 5’10” Rejoice After Cleveland Radio Host Labels Baker Mayfield a, “F***ing Midget”

CLEVELAND, Ohio – Tony Grossi was suspended indefinitely today after making disparaging remarks about Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield. Going into a break during his radio show with Tony Rizzo, Grossi was griping near a microphone he assumed was off about the quarterbacks the Browns have missed out on, and are now left with, “a fucking […]

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I Hate Christian Yelich

Most of my sports hatred is fleeting. When Rajon Rondo threw Krik Hinrich into the scorer’s table in the 2009 NBA playoffs, I thought I hated him But it didn’t last that long. The series ended, I remembered I’m only a bulls fan while they’re in the playoffs and I moved on. I thought I […]

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Let’s Talk About “Focus(ing) on one game at a time.”

Sorry this post took me so long to get up, I just finished icing my thumb which got super bruised after how quickly I clicked on threejay03s most recent post about the Browns coach’s proclivity for termination after playing the Steelers. 95% of it I loved. It had everything – real sports analysis, a Trey […]

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The Monday Night Football Black Cat Taught Me How to Love Again

There he was, just 26-year-old boy who’d lost all hope watching the Cowboys play the Giants on Monday Night Football with his friends. His favorite team, the Cleveland Browns, who in his perpetual state of pessimism thought would be at worst 6-10 this year, sit at 2-6 after losing to the Denver Broncos in what […]

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At 4:15am EST, the USA Men’s Curling Team Made History

I honestly don’t know what to say. Partly that’s because I’ve been slamming gin all night, but more so because I didn’t really believe this could happen. Our Curling Team just went from 2-4 to the gold medal in seemingly the blink of an eye. The match was close the entire night, but the US […]